Letting go in order to start over.

What if you had to walk away from everything you knew to uncover everything you’ve ever wanted? Would you do it? Would you jump? Of course you would if you knew that it would result in everything you ever wanted. But would you do it if you didn’t? Would you let everything you’re used to go, in order obtain something bigger.

I feel like that’s the space I constantly found myself in during my 20s … letting go and starting over. Starting over and hoping to God the next thing would be better because Lord knows I had no idea if it would get better or worse.

See it’s so hard to leave a comfortable space to take a chance on something new. Especially when you just got comfortable in the space. Especially when you liked the space. It may not have been a perfect space but it’s what you know. But leaving a comfortable space to become uncomfortable is necessary in this life because growth doesn’t come from comfortable spaces. And I feel like I’ve been in that predicament a lot. I left my first job and home to take an opportunity playing college volleyball. I left college volleyball to get a corporate job. I left that corporate job (that I worked so hard to move up at for 6 years) to try out real estate. I left real estate to go to law school. I left one city to start over in a new city. And some of the “restarts” weren’t even necessarily what I wanted for myself. And some of those restarts came at the expense of walking away from relationships with people I loved. And I mean loved. Probably still have love for honestly. And some of those restarts hurt me. Some of those restarts ended up hurting other people. Some of those restarts were even a result of my own bad decision making. However, all of those restarts contributed to my growth and development. Every single time I learned something about myself. And every single time God restored what I felt like was lost and left in shambles along the way. No everything wasn’t (and isn’t) perfect, but progress is being made. I had to let go to grow.

It wasn’t always easy, actually every time it was uncomfortable. Starting over in friendships, relationships, school, career choices. My GOD, it’s SO uncomfortable. Every single time I felt like I lost. But the truth was, I was starting over with experience. A new chance to implement things I wish I had done in the past. And every time, I learned and entered a new space that was a little bit better. So how do you do it? Trust. You trust that God has something bigger and better than what you are giving up or walking away from. Trust that his plan is to prosper you and not to harm you. Now trust, that’s a different topic, a whole post for itself. But don’t worry, we’ll get into it. In the meantime here are some tips for starting over:

• BREATHE. Starting over is a process and within that process there can be a variety of emotions from stress to relief. Remember to breathe. If the emotions ever become overwhelming, take a step away and try some breathing exercises. My personal favorite: 3 – 5 deep breathes (inhaling for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, exhale 3-5 second). It may seem simple, but so often we forget to breathe like really breathe.
• Journal. Journaling has saved my life. When I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, I talk to myself and God. I write down what I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it (if i know), and how I want to feel. I write down my hopes, my dreams, my prayers, my disappointments, my failures, my bad decisions, my success, things that made me feel good, and things that hurt my feelings. You name it, I write it. This is so important. When you look back at it, you’ll realize that you’ve survived 100 % of your bad days. Feel all the feelings, they’re part of the process.
• Give yourself grace. Starting over in any aspect is hard. Mistakes will be made. Recognize what could have went better but don’t harp on it. And don’t let people harp on it for you. Forgive yourself. Perfection is not the requirement, progress is.
• Plan. Every life pivot requires planning. You may not have know that you were going to pivot, but once you know …plan. Recalculate. Don’t just let the chaos build. Sit with yourself. Pray. Then, write out what you can control and figure out what you want those new things to look like.
• Have patience. All good things take time. My mom tells me “the tallest trees have the deepest roots.” A friend would say “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” See patience is where I usually go wrong. But the sooner you learn patience, the easier it is to go into the next period of trusting during the waiting period and then rebuilding.

Just know that if you’re in a space that you’re struggling to walk away from something, walking away may the catalyst that propels you into your destiny. It will be hard, but it also might be worth it. It might hurt, but the pain will be temporary. And everything you think that you lost will be restored or maybe even upgraded. God might have something bigger than what you think you’re letting go.