How many times are you going to start over?

If I told you how many times that I tried to write this exact blog post … you wouldn’t even believe me. If I told you how many videos and content ideas I already have thought-out and prepped in my phone … you would think I was insane. If I told you that I actually planned and prepped a version of “30 days of Cole” for my 30^th birthday this past June (2023) … you might even think I’m foolish. And if you don’t think those things about me, it’s cool because I’ve actually thought all of it about myself.

It’s like I know where I want to go and who I want to be but  … I’m just lacking. Lacking on the commitment. If we want to get deeper…truthfully I’m probably scared that I won’t succeed. Scared because one thing I know that I lack when I’m overwhelmed is consistency. When I’m overwhelmed and want to avoid things, I just think … why? Why should I?

But truthfully the answer to “Why” is probably should be because as much as I’ve tried to avoid it … the thoughts and ideas haven’t went away. I’ve just been procrastinating, wasting time and avoiding what I know I should do. Rightfully so (I guess) … especially when life has been LIFING. I’ve literally moved to another state and started life completely over … again (*inserts rolls eyes emoji*). And for some reason, I feel like every time that I’ve been inconsistent, I have to make this grand entrance by starting over and trying to be consistent again.

But to be honest, the “I’m too busy” or “I have a lot going on” is starting to feel like an excuse. Because life is always busy. There is always so much to do. Yes, you should give yourself grace and practice self care… but that’s not what’s at issue here. If you’re like me, sometimes you may have an avoidant personality. Because as much as I accomplish … there’s also a lot that I avoid. Everyday I get up and clock in to work, pouring into a company and trying to produce the best work product—which is completely okay. But also, I must come to a point where I realize … as tired as I am from my 9-5—I still have a purpose to fulfill. I really had to dig deeper to find out why I’ve been avoiding something that has been on my heart for three years. Literally, I start … then something happens, and I give up and stop. I use whatever it is as an excuse as to why I haven’t continued. Some people see me as so inspiring … but it’s not always how I see myself. Why? Because I know there are things that I’m supposed to do that I’ve dropped the ball on. I saw a quote that said: don’t mistake movement for achievement. Well I’ve been moving and achieving, but not in the areas that I’ve been thinking about.

And if we get even more honest, some of it is fear. What if my “open” is too open? What if my “transparent” is too transparent. Cause chile, some of the things I go through look nothing like that IG highlight Reel. My real feelings are raw and uncut. My true opinions are most often the unpopular ones. And my real delivery sometimes hurts people feelings—unintentionally but honest. It’s different talking to your close friends who have learned to love and understand you versus the cancel culture of this generation today. It’s okay if people don’t like what your saying or understand your dreams, your purpose is not to appease them anyway — especially if you’re doing something God wants you to do (now make sure it’s coming from God okay). Everyone has an opinion … and newsflash, it’s okay to agree to disagree (but no lie, some of the opinions don’t make sense … but that’s neither here nor there because … love ya anyway).

And truthfully, I don’t want to commit to something “out loud” and fail on a public stage. (Can you relate?). Because …is blogging what I’m really supposed to be doing? How do I know? Listen, I don’t know what your IG looks like, but chile mine is full of people living their best lives and doing things they’re great at. But that’s the problem because like … are they really?

And EVEN IF THEY ARE, what does that have to do with me? What does that have to do with God’s purpose for me? What does that have to do with God’s plan for me? The answer … absolutely nothing. See, my lane is my lane. Your lane is your lane. And as embarrassing as it is to admit … I’ve been really distracted by other people’s lanes. For example, there are thousands of black women bloggers, probably thousands of young black attorneys, thousands of people discussing the same topics that I want to cover. So … why would I when there’s already people doing it? Well … because the people I’m supposed to touch are the people that I AM SUPPOSED TO TOUCH. I’m not screaming at you, I’m more so screaming at myself. Chevy doesn’t stop make Chevy’s because of Hyundai. BMW doesn’t stop making cars because of Mercedes. Shoot Mercedes doesn’t stop making cars because of Lamborghini’s or Maserati’s or Aston Martin’s. The point … your lane is YOUR lane and there’s people attached to that lane. Even if you only impact one person, and that person inspires one more person … who inspires someone else… it’s worth it. See, your gift will make room for you.

So, my question for you and me is: would you try it even if it only changes ONE life for the better. Even it only touches one person. And my answer for myself is: YES. So if you are the only one that reads this: thank you. I hope you feel inspired … because if you are … this post was so worth it.

I’ll start over as many times as it takes because each time, I’m starting with experience. Another journey. Let’s try it again. Let’s grow together. May God be with us both.

– Cole

Welcome to my corner of the world. Raw, real, and uncut.

Challenge: feel free to drop a goal you have. Say it out loud. The world needs to hear it.